Choices. Why do we choose what we choose?

Choices. Choices. Choices. Why do we choose what we choose?

You have no idea how many times I have heard things like oh, I was forced to do this or that, it was not up to me, you just don't understand I had no choice, etc. All I can say is that these statements are just BS because this is really not true; it is easier to believe that there is no other choice or another way. If you start analyzing your choices, you will quickly realize how fast you will start looking for explanations, or I'd rather often call them 'excuses', why you chose one thing or over another or made a decision about something. You will also see that you always have at least two options and you choose the one that is easier on you or based on your preferences and habits, the right choice (just not clear for who), or you'd just pick one randomly.

You make choices hundreds times a day... a cup of coffee over a cup of tea, to go to a store, which brand or what quantity of milk to buy, meat over fish or vs., which route to take to work, to stop at a yellow light or keep going, what house to buy, or maybe to buy a town home over a house, what car to buy, who to go to lunch with, to tell the truth or to hide things, who to talk to when you feel down or maybe just have an alone time, who to date or who to live with, whose side to take, to hurt someone or not, to be genuine, etc.

No matter what it is, it is always your choice. Nothing and no one can make you choose, only you.

No one is usually holding a gun against your head and making you choose; well, I could agree that there can be certain circumstances when someone could hold a gun, but then again, you'd make a choice to surrender or flight. Similarly, when you make a crime and you're put in jail, you may say that you're forced to go to jail, but again, this is already a consequence of your previous choices - to commit a crime or not.

Often people are not happy about the decisions or choices they make, but they do not changing anything. Wonder why? The answer is simple. It is easier this way.

It is like a choice to be happy; it is easier to be miserable or angry than work on yourself, clear yourself and eliminate negativity. However, often you do not realize that it takes about the same amount of energy to stay miserable or be happy. Which one you think is easier - to tell the truth and sometimes face the consequences or to lie? I say - to lie. People make tons of excuses why they lie, such as they don't want to hurt another person, maybe they would not otherwise get a job or get approved for a car loan because they are not as qualified as they said, the life may get more difficult and less predictable, or maybe they simply don't have guts to tell the truth.

When you are not happy with the decisions you make, always look for real reasons. If you choose to stay in the situation that you do not like, there MUST be something that is working for you in that situation, otherwise, you'd be long gone. Let's say you try a new food, you put it into mouth and the taste is sooo awful that you're about to puke. What do you do? My guess is that you spit it out. If it tasted OK, there is a chance that you finish the bite.

So here you go,when you think a situation does not work for you (e.g. bad tasting food), you eliminate yourself from that situation and make a different choice. However, when there is something that works for you in a not so favorable situation, you may choose to stay in it.

Finally, sometimes you make certain decisions because you are not aware of the alternatives; you simply may not be able to see other possible options at that particular moment in time. This is usually caused by lack of knowledge, being too close to a situation, not willing to explore or laziness, or it can be caused by your fear that can blind you from seeing the different possibilities. Just remember, it is always up to you to look for better decisions or choices, and if you cannot find them within you, look outside - learn things, expand your knowledge, talk to people, see how others dealing with similar situations, etc.

So what about you? What choices do you make? Do you blame other people or circumstances for making the choices that you are not very happy about? Do you usually choose an easier route?

What is Happiness to you? Do you truly feel Happy?

How to truly feel Happy. Happiness is inside of you!

I have to be honest with you, for a long time I did not know and I did not really pay much attention to what happiness really meant to me. At one point in life, happiness meant one thing, then something else, and eventually, my definition of happiness has totally changed over the years. Every one of us understands happiness differently, and that definition changes when we go through different stages in life. Happiness can be a great relationship with a friend or a significant other, financial stability, a new car, great health, abundance of friends, etc., you name it.

Here are a few examples of how people described to me what makes them happy...
*If I have money, I am happy.
*Financial freedom and security is happiness to me.
*Enjoying the process of doing what I like and seeing the results.
*Being happy is sharing my life with the love of my life and enjoying and appreciating that relationship every day.
*The inner peace and love inside me.
*To be able to breathe in fresh air on a sunny day.
*The meaningful yet simple moments in my life that I want to “engrave” it my brain. For example, I feel happy when I see a father playing with & teaching his son; I want to stop that special moment.
*An ice cream makes me feel happy.
*My kids are my happiness.
*I am happy when I see other people smiling, when I make a difference in their lives.
*It is the feeling of peace inside me.

If you look at these examples, you will see that a few of them are the moments that make us happy. One of my close friends was surprised when she told what made her happy because a few of the things she mentioned were moments in life. But I told her right there that the life consists of moments, many many moments, and if these moments make you happy, that is wonderful.

Quite a few people associate money and financial stability with happiness. Yes, I can see the reasoning behind this statement. However, the money is a tool to make your life better and easier. I do not really believe that it can truly make you happy though. You can be a millionaire, but if you feel anxious all the time, if you feel alone, or do not have true and loving people around you, no money in the world can buy that.

What happiness means to me is my inner peace, to be able to love, appreciate, and accept me in the present time and truly enjoy the journey. I am not saying that I do not need people around me, on contrary, I love people. I am saying that no one else can make me happy, if I am not happy inside. I strongly believe that no one and nothing can make YOU happy if you do not feel good inside, if you do not love YOU, if you do not appreciate and accept YOU the way you are.

I have learned through the years that it is really up to me how I feel. You can let/ allow external factors - other people or situations – affect and drain you emotionally or you can choose to feel good and be in charge of your own emotions. It is not always easy to do that, but not impossible; you can learn it. There will always be moments or situations when we truly do not feel good, and that is OK. What is important in those moments is to stop, acknowledge what is happening and bring yourself back up. Remember, you choose to be happy or miserable.

Happiness is a CHOICE. If you’re in a bad situation or negative space right now, it is not the end of the world. You CAN change that story. The change is possible.

At one point in my life, I hit the bottom emotionally & mentally, and I remember telling myself – this is it, I do not see the light, and I will never get out of the darkness. Do not take me wrong, I am not a quitter, but in the really bad moments, depression kicks in and all you feel is despair & hopelessness. Several months later I rose like a phoenix from the ashes, and you have no idea how proud I was of myself. I made that choice. I did not believe I could do that, but I did. I guess somewhere deep inside me I knew I am a good person, I make a difference in other peoples’ lives, I want to grow and learn things, and if someone does not like me, it is not my problem, it is theirs, (I am not a $50 bill to be liked by everyone), so my happiness will not be dependent on others.

Often we forget how much that choice can change our lives. It changed mine, and you can change yours too.
For the skeptics out there I have something to say... I was you, so I do know that it can be hard to believe in a better life, and that our habits or how we are used to think and see the world influence us. How you feel is a CHOICE. If you do not know how to change the thinking, you can definitely learn it; I did. You can read or listen to the books (there are soooooo many out there), talk to people who have gone through similar experiences, meditate, listen to the music that calms you down, use visualization techniques (our brains do not distinguish what is real or what is imagined), etc. You need to try things and go with what works for you, and when you do that, then you will get stronger and stronger at making the choice.

I used to say to myself, when I accomplish X, then I will be happy or when I have Y, I will be happy, or as soon as I reach a goal, I’ll be happy. But when we accomplish something, we feel that it is still not enough, then we want something else; our brain automatically reprograms for another task. This pattern of “as soon as” existed in me for a while. Then I realized that we all tend to postpone the happiness to the future, while it should be today – now. We need to be happy now in order to create and build what we want in the future. We should not be dependent on the past or how we used to doing things, so we should create and practice the feeling of happiness now if we want to be happy in the future.

As silly as this may sound, smile and tell yourself “I am happy” every day for the next 3 weeks. You will be amazed what happens.
I would love to hear your progress, so please share.




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